Hurt people, hurt people.
We all know its true. And we see it everyday.
Just turn on the tv. Someone just smacked, kicked, killed, yelled at, punched, lied on, cheated on, (add your own action here ____________) someone else for "no reason".
Of course there was a reason.
We may not know the reason. This person who did it may not understand the reason. But there was DEFINITELY a reason.
Hurt people, hurt people.
My husband and I have been dealing with the wrath of a "hurt person". She happens to be the mother of my husband's only child.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I met my husband over 20 years ago while in high school. He was a Sophomore when I was a Senior, but I thought he was cute. Fast forward ten years later to 2007 where we met again on MySpace. I had been separated from my first husband for 2 years and was on my way to the Navy.
Nate popped into my life and pretty much took over. I fell very hard for this man. He was everything I wanted. He was tall, dark and handsome. He had a healthy relationship with his mother. He spoke my language. He listened. He’d never been in jail. He had a good head on his shoulders. I loved him almost instantly. According to him, he had just gotten out of a relationship of 3 years with his daughter’s mother. The break up was painful, but mutual. She had moved out of their home and he was alone. Our relationship seemed like something out of a movie. He was such a gentle soul. My friends approved. (That was a big deal because they definitely didn't approve of my ex-husband). We were almost inseparable, except for on Thursdays.
Thursday was the day he got to spend with his daughter. I didn't introduce him to my children yet, so I understood the importance of maintaining a healthy parent/child relationship. She was an infant at the time and again, I understood. Well I thought I did. Unbeknownst to me, Thursdays were also the days when he would actually get back together with his child’s mother. I found out about their secret rendezvous 6 months later while visiting his sister. I came to find out that she knew all about me. She knew about our relationship and pretty much told me that she “wanted her family back together”. I was in the passenger seat of Nate’s sisters' car, on our way to church, when while having this conversation with Ken’s daughter's mother and it was then that I literally jumped out of the car and ran 3 miles to his house. I was mad, sad, confused and determined to confront him face to face. He admitted everything to me that day. He explained that he thought that since I was on my way to the military that our relationship wasn’t going to last. He was very apologetic for hurting me and of course for me finding out. I was absolutely devastated. I decided right then and there that it was over and that I obviously needed to move on. I didn’t expect his next move. He called her up while I was standing there and told her that he didn’t want to be with her. She lost her damn mind! She ended up calling me out of my name and I saw red!! I jumped in Nate’s car and demanded he take me to her so that we could fight! Dramatic I know, but I had just been dealt two serious blows. When we finally got to where she was, a couple of things happened…. 1. We didn’t fight 2. He told her to her face that it was over 3. He told me that he wanted to be with me I was shell shocked.
I didn't know what I was expecting to happen, but this definitely wasn't it. I didn't know what to do.
We tried to make it work for awhile after this incident, but it was too hard. I just kept picturing them together and was remembering all the lies that were told. I wasn't happy and I didn't trust him anymore. The movie was over.
We broke up and I continued to get myself ready for the Navy.
The day finally came when I went to enlist. It was a beautiful day that day. I called all my family and friends to let them know that I was finally on my way to the military. When I got to the bottom of my list of people to call, there was Nate's face and number staring back at me. I hadn't talked to him in almost 4 months at this time. I'm not sure why I did it, but I called him to tell him the news.
He seemed so happy to hear from me. His friend was having a bowling party that night and wanted to know if I could go. He said he'd pick me up around 8 that night and we could just hang out and have fun. I was nervous, but I agreed.
I learned that he had found a better job. He told me how he was enjoying his life. He explained that he had never gotten back with his child's mother. I was happy for him. It was so good to see him again. My heart swooned.
He was saying all the right things. We became like peanut butter and jelly, again.
There are no other words to express what I was feeling other than to say that I was in love with this man.
Two months later, on the day before I was sworn in at the Pittsburgh MEPS and shipped out for bootcamp, we spent some precious hours with each other and my children . We kept in touch with each week through letters and infrequent phone calls.
When I came home from bootcamp on the day before Thanksgiving, he picked me up from the airport and proposed to me.
Of course I said yes and on April 23, 2009, I became Mrs. Autumn Bose.
Since that time, my husband has only seen his child maybe 5 times. The mother actually has it written in the court proceedings that he's not allowed to take her out of Pennsylvania, even though they both have custody. We live in Virginia.
We've been married for almost 8 years and I don't think she has ever forgiven Knate for choosing me or me for being with Knate. He doesn't get to talk to her, see her, or know her like he wants to and needs to. She is 10 years old now. I think it's time.
It's hard watching my husband suffer. He's such a great dad. And I mean that sincerely. I know how he's help me raise my children. I know the impact he has left on the heart of my children. Without him as my partner, I don't believe they would've had the wonderful life they have grown to know and love. They love and respect him as dad.
They even call him dad. (This was something they've decided independently for themselves, at different times. My daughter even wishes to change her last name to Bose, but that's another story in itself.)
They hate watching him suffer. He gets severely depressed at times because of his sense of loss. He becomes overly moody and angry. He lashes out without warning or hides away in his Playstation world. It hurts me to see him this way. It's actually quite painful to me because I'm not the one who's causing the pain, so I can't stop the pain.
I want to stop the pain.
I want my man whole. I want our family to be whole.
I think I should start with me and recognize the pain I caused Ken's daughters mother...
MY LETTER TO MS. RODGERS:
I know Ken has apologized to you about the past and I feel that it is my turn to step up.
Ms. Rodgers, I'm so sorry for the hurt or pain that I may have caused you throughout the years. My intent was never to hurt you. I never wanted to be the cause of anyone else's pain. We've remained cordial and respectful towards each other and I appreciate that.
Many years have passed and I feel its time that we should learn how to be friends.I love my husband very much. He is my star and my moon. I would love for your daughter to see him that way too.
I'm asking for forgiveness and a chance to know my step-daughter right alongside Ken.
I love her very much. Her presence is a very big part of our lives. She is thought about and prayed for constantly.
Please find it in your heart to make room for a family of four. I understand that in order for your daughter to be a bigger part of Ken's life, that you need to be a bigger part of our life. I want to be your friend and I'd love to help you raise your daughter. I'm asking for your friendship.
I pray you take the time to read this and think over what I'm asking of you.
You are loved and prayed for as well.